Active Listening: Why it Is Important and 7 Skills to Practice It

Active listening means listening with full attention and understanding what the other person really intents to say.
Have you ever noticed how much most people love to hear themselves talk?

Many are out to express their thoughts and ideas in conversations, share their knowledge and “wisdom,” or shine with their eloquence. During a conversation, they can hardly wait to finally get to the scene again and barely listen to what the other person has to tell them.

Unfortunately, the art of fully engaging with one’s conversation partner and actively listening is neglected far too often. This is fatal because active listening is the key to improving communication, avoiding misunderstandings, and strengthening deeper connections.

Especially in coaching, therapy, and counseling, active listening is not just a skill but an essential prerequisite. It’s not just about hearing the words spoken but, at the same time, understanding the messages and even emotions behind them.

Table of contents of this Active Listening Guide:

Definition: What is Active Listening?

Active listening means entirely focusing on one’s conversation partner, understanding their words and feelings, and responding accordingly rather than just listening passively. It requires full attention, empathy, and mindful responses to have effective and meaningful communication.

But it also means listening to oneself in conversations, which includes keeping an overview of the entire dialogue in a neutral observer role. This ensures that we communicate exactly what we want and also recognize and feel whether our message is being understood.

Active vs. passive listening

Active listening is part of a lively dialogue – it demands full attention, a deep immersion in the words and emotions of the other person, and dynamic feedback that shows that we really understand the message. Regular or passive listening, on the other hand, can feel like hearing someone talk on TV or in the radio in the background. One perceives the basic message but fails to understand the emotions and subtle messages.

In regular everyday conversations, we often listen half-heartedly and distract ourselves with other activities. We play with our smartphones, watch TV, or unload the dishwasher while someone is talking to us.
Small but important details and subtle messages, as well as non-verbal signals of our conversation partner, are often overlooked.

Active Listening is More Than a Technique – It Opens Up New Perspectives

Active listening is about more than just listening attentively and understanding each other. It includes a deeper immersion into the other person’s world and a respectful and empathetic attitude that lets us grasp what our counterpart wants to tell us. While listening actively, we open ourselves to new perspectives and learning opportunities to expand our horizons.

Active listening requires our entire presence and attention. It’s not just a technique but a conscious decision to open oneself to the moment and the other person. Through this devotion, we can not only understand what is said but also capture the subtle nuances that lie between the lines.

By actively listening, we show others that we appreciate them and that their voice is important. We create an atmosphere of trust and openness that allows them to express themselves genuinely. This can lead to a deeper connection, respectful relationships, and mutual understanding.

The remarkable thing about active listening is the direct level of communication and the indirect effects on us and our interpersonal relationships. It is a valuable skill that we can cultivate to serve others and ourselves.

Goals and Benefits of Active Listening

The mindful application of active listening brings numerous positive effects, whether in personal relationships, professional interactions, therapeutic settings, or coaching.

Improved relationships:

By actively listening, you show respect and interest in the other person’s opinion, which helps to build stronger and deeper connections and greater trust in each other.

Better understanding:

It helps you grasp the underlying messages and understand the speaker’s perspective better.

Effective communication:

It enables clear and precise communication by avoiding misunderstandings and creating clarity.

Conflict resolution:

Active listening can help avoid and resolve conflicts as it fosters understanding and appreciation for the other person’s viewpoint.

Promotion of learning and growth:

Through active listening, you can learn new information, expand your knowledge, and grow as a person.

Requirements and Key Skills for Active Listening

Several prerequisites and key skills are necessary for active listening. Try to include them step by step in your future conversations:

Full attention:

You need to focus entirely on the other person without allowing yourself to be distracted.

Openness:

It’s essential to be open to the views and opinions of your dialogue partner, even if they differ from yours.

Patience:

Active listening requires patience to give your partner enough time to express their thoughts and feelings without interrupting them.

Empathy:

You should try to understand the feelings and emotions of the other person.

Give feedback:

You can show your dialogue partner that you have understood their statements and are actively participating in the conversation by giving appropriate feedback.

Boundaries of Active Listening

Active listening also has certain boundaries to ensure that the conversation does not turn into a one-sided monologue:

Define the goal or topic of the conversation: In conversations or coaching where a specific purpose has been defined, it should be ensured that the other person does not drift off-topic and does not move away from the original goal. In this case, the listener should undoubtedly have the opportunity to interrupt the speaker to bring the conversation back on track.

Mutual participation:

Active listening should lead to mutual interaction where both parties can express their thoughts and feelings. It’s vital that the listener not only listens but also responds appropriately and gives feedback.

Balance of speaking time:

Active listening should aim for a balanced ratio of speaking time between the listener and the speaker. It’s essential that the listener encourages the speaker to continue talking and sharing his thoughts without dominating the conversation.

Clear communication rules:

Clear rules or agreements can be established to ensure that both parties have the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings. This can involve taking turns speaking or setting certain speaking time limits.

Avoidance of dominance or interruptions:

The listener should be careful not to interrupt the speaker or dominate the conversation. It’s about giving the speaker space and actively listening rather than taking over the conversation with one’s own thoughts or opinions.

But of course, you can interrupt your conversation partner if you notice that they are drifting off-topic or getting lost in details that have little to do with the actual topic. This is proof of active listening and also helps the other person to focus on what matters.

By respecting these boundaries, we can ensure that active listening leads to a balanced and enriching conversation where both sides are heard and have the opportunity to express themselves.

Active Listening and its Important Role in Coaching, Therapy and Counseling

Active listening is a crucial element in coaching, therapy, and counseling. It’s a tool and a foundation for building a trusting and successful relationship between coach and client.

A good coach integrates active listening into their process by entirely focusing on the client. This goes beyond merely hearing the words. A good coach understands and interprets the emotions, needs, and goals behind spoken words. They give feedback, ask clarifying questions, and summarize what has been said to ensure they understand the client’s message correctly.

Active listening significantly contributes to the relationship between coach/counselor and client. It creates an atmosphere of trust and respect. When clients feel heard and understood, they are more likely to open up and discuss more profound issues. This enables the coach or counselor to provide adequate support and helps the client progress and achieve their goals.

In addition, active listening can help the coach recognize the client’s potential resistance, fears, or concerns and respond accordingly. It allows the coach to meet the clients where they are and effectively accompany them on their path to change.

Carl Rogers – “The Father of Active Listening”

Carl Rogers, an influential American psychologist, coined a humanistic approach to psychology and highlighted active listening as an essential element in therapeutic practice. He believed an empathic understanding of the client is necessary for healing.

Active listening was, for Rogers, not just the uptake of words but rather the complete immersion into the world of the patient to profoundly understand their feelings and perspectives.

This approach underscores the importance of active listening to promote empathy and understanding, which ultimately contributes to building a stronger therapeutic relationship and providing adequate support.

How to Practice Active Listening: Exercises and Techniques

There are a variety of exercises and techniques that can help you practice your active listening skills. These techniques are helpful both in everyday life as well as in coaching and counseling situations with clients:

Paraphrase and Summarize:

Repeat the key points of what the conversation partner has said in your own words. This shows that you have understood the message and allows the other person to clarify uncertainties.

Ask questions:

Ask open-ended questions to encourage the conversation partner to give more information or further elaborate on their thoughts and feelings.

Non-verbal communication:

Use body language, such as eye contact, nodding, or open body posture, to signal that you are listening attentively and interested in your counterpart’s statements.

Avoid interruptions:

Let your conversation partners finish before you respond or ask questions.

Reflect feelings:

Try to recognize and name the other person’s emotions. This shows that you perceive the words and the speaker’s feelings.

Allow silence:

Learn to allow silence in conversations. This gives the speaker time to think and can help them gain deeper insights.

Emotional intelligence:

Work on your ability to recognize emotions in yourself and others and react appropriately. This helps understand the feelings behind the speaker’s words.

Give feedback:

Give constructive feedback to show that you have listened and to advance the discussion.

Mindfulness:

Practice mindfulness and self-awareness to improve your concentration and be fully present in the current moment. This can reduce distractions and improve the ability to listen actively.

Note Taking:

Professionals such as coaches and therapists take notes while listening in order to later address the most important points and their observations. This can also be useful in certain private situations. It also supports the patience to listen and prevents the tendency to interrupt the counterpart with objections or ideas.

Practice with role plays:

Practice active listening in role plays with a partner. Switch the roles of the speaker and listener to experience different perspectives and receive feedback.

By regularly practicing these techniques, you can improve your skills in active listening and promote more effective communication in your personal and professional relationships.

Final Thoughts on Active Listening

In the fast-paced world we live in today, active listening is more than just a skill – it’s a gift. A gift of time, attention, and understanding that we can give to others. It’s a tool that helps us see the world from another person’s perspective and builds stronger and deeper connections with the people around us.

For coaches and counselors, it’s essential to master the skill of active listening. It’s the foundation of every successful coaching or therapy process. It enables them to truly understand their clients’ needs, goals, and challenges. It also helps them build trust and create an environment where clients feel safe and supported.

The art of active listening provides a better conversation atmosphere. It creates a firm foundation for friendlier, more effective, but also more informative and goal-oriented dialogues.

Why Active Listening Is Important And 7 Skills to Practice It