Which Questions to ask in Couples Therapy?


This article contains 57 couples therapy and marriage counseling questions. They are a great resource for any couples therapist, and relationship counselor, or coach. The questions will help to identify problematic areas within the relationship. But even when you’re not a therapist, you can use some of them as an icebreaker exercise to get communication with your spouse going.

We collected a wide range of different couples therapy questions. In the beginning, you will get some ideas of what to ask in the first session in order to explore the clients’ problems and challenges. At the end of this article you’ll find a free bonus. It’s a secret weapon for your relationship coaching.

If you’re interested in structured worksheets and exercises we recommend you the Couples Therapy Toolkit.


Let’s begin with some Couples Therapy Questions for the First Session:


1 – How long have you been together?

2 – What made you seek professional help?

3 – Have you been to couples therapy before?

4 – What have you done or tried before to promote change?

5 – What are your expectations of this couples therapy?

6 – How much are you willing to change to keep your relationship alive?

7 – What would you consider to be your biggest problem? When did it start?

8 – Are there any past conflicts that we need to resolve?

9 – Why did you originally fall in love?

10 – What are the positive qualities which you bring to the relationship?

11 – How would you describe your life together?

12 – How would you describe your relationship in one sentence?


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The following couples and marriage counseling questions offer a great possibility to dig deeper. They help to assess areas of problems, challenges, or conflicts.


Couples and Marriage Counseling Session Questions


13 – What’s standing in the way of your relationship being as good as you want it to be?

14 – Are you currently happy? What could you do to be happier in your relationship?

15 – Do you feel emotionally close to your partner?

16 – Do you think your partner cares about you?

17 – Do you feel loved?

18 – How do you feel on a daily basis?

19 – Do you fight often? If so, what are the common topics?

20 – How would you describe an ideal relationship?



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21 – What are you willing to do to improve your relationship?

22 – Do you truly care about your partner?

23 – Do you feel happy in your relationship?

24 – How would your lives be like if you decide to separate?

25 – How do you truly feel about your relationship?

26 – Do you trust your partner?

27 – What are the things you love about your partner?

28 – What are the things you can’t stand about your partner?



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29 – Do you feel accepted by your partner?

30 – What do you love most about your partner?


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More Therapy Questions to Ask Couples:


31 – Are your expectations for each other and your relationship reasonable?

32 – How confident are you that you can solve your current problems and challenges?

33 – What needs and desires are you failing to meet?

34 – Do your arguments seem to come out of nowhere?

35 – Are you arguing about different things or always about the same topics?

36 – Are you often blaming each other for different things?

37 – How would you describe your communication?

38 – Do you feel safe in your relationship?

39 – What do you think is the biggest issue in your relationship?

40 – Are you looking forward to reunions with your partner?



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41 – Are you doing a lot of things together that you both enjoy and value?

42 – How would you describe the quality of your sex life?

43 – Is jealousy an issue in your relationship?

44 – What makes you feel stressed? When does it happen?

45 – When it comes to conflicts, do you discuss them or store them up?

46 – What could you do to comfort your partner?

47 – Can you develop a warning signal to let each other know when your feelings are hurt?

48 – How could you show each other your feelings better?

49 – Which rituals of connection could you develop?

50 – What do you like most about your partner?

51 – How would you rate your communication within the relationship?

52 – How could you strengthen and improve the communication in your relationship?

53 – Which result do you expect from this couples therapy? Are they realistic?

54 – Which aspects of your relationship you wish were different? Are these wishes realistic?

55 – Do you feel comfortable bringing up your concerns in your relationship?

56 – Where do you see your relationship in 10 years?

57 – What can you do to improve your relationship?


Bonus: The Wonder Question – A Secret Weapon in Couples Therapy, Marriage Consulting, And Relationship Coaching


The Wonder Question can be a valuable tool in couples therapy and relationship coaching as it helps couples explore possibilities, foster open communication in their relationship, and envision a positive future together.

In couples therapy, the Wonder Question can be used to encourage partners to imagine what their ideal relationship would look like. By asking questions like, “If your relationship was exactly how you wanted it to be, what would it look like?” or “What would you both be doing differently if your relationship was thriving?”, therapists can guide couples to envision a more satisfying and fulfilling partnership.

This process allows couples to tap into their desires, aspirations, and shared goals, which can serve as a foundation for working towards positive changes.

Similarly, in relationship coaching, the Wonder Question can be employed to inspire couples to think beyond their current challenges and envision a future where those challenges have been overcome.

You may ask questions such as, “Imagine your relationship without the current obstacles. What would you both be doing differently?”, or “How would your interactions improve if you were able to resolve this issue?”.

By exploring these hypothetical scenarios, couples can gain insights into potential solutions and develop a roadmap for personal growth and improvement.


Examples for the Wonder Question in Couples Therapy


  • Imagine that you and your partner have successfully resolved the ongoing conflict that has been causing tension in your relationship. How would your communication and interactions be different in this ideal scenario?
  • Picture a future where you both feel deeply connected and supported in your relationship. What specific actions or behaviors would you notice yourselves engaging in to create and maintain that sense of connection?
  • If you woke up tomorrow and all the barriers preventing you from achieving your shared goals as a couple were magically removed, what steps would you take together to start making progress towards those goals?



We hope this little collection of couple therapy questions was helpful and you could use some of them in your next session. If you’re a couples therapist or marriage counselor make sure to check out this ready-to-use toolkit with 14 Impactful Worksheets & Exercises for Couples Therapy, Counseling and Relationship Coaching




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