Inner Drivers – How to Master them and eliminate Stress

Inner drivers are the motivators behind all our thoughts, decisions, and actions. They help us express ourselves, be creative, and actively shape our lives. They enable us to reach our full potential. Our inner drivers make a significant contribution to our personal development and evolution.

They are the reason why we do something and the decisive motivator for realizing all our plans. Imagine them as the link between theory (idea) and practice (implementation).

However, inner drivers can also cause trouble if they are misunderstood or take on an excessively dominant role in our lives. This is especially true when they become obsessive, cause more stress than they benefit, or don’t match our true nature.

30-Second-Summary

Inner drivers are deeply ingrained beliefs that we adopt throughout our lives due to upbringing, social conditioning, and personal experiences. The 5 inner drivers are:

Be perfect!

Try hard!

Please others!

Hurry up!

Be strong!

They become a problem when they turn into compulsions and unconsciously dictate all our actions and daily life. We often prioritize these hidden guiding principles above all else, which leads to chronic stress, pressure, and the consequences described above. Here you will find tips for dealing with inner drivers.

Table of Content – Inner Drivers:

What are inner drivers?
The five main inner drivers
Inner Drivers – Quick Test
Positive and negative effects of inner drivers on our lives
Inner drivers in Coaching – Methods, Tools, and valuable Tips

Inner drivers can be classified into two categories:

The first group contains the inherent inner drivers that arise from our true selves and are in line with our needs, talents, and inclinations. The second group includes internal drivers that are learned, acquired, or unconsciously adopted from the outside. Transactional analysis focuses on these inner drivers.

What are inner drivers?

The concept of inner drivers originates from transactional analysis (TA), developed by Eric Berne in the 1950s. TA is a psychological model that helps to understand interpersonal communication and relationships.

John Kahlers expanded this theory by developing “inner drivers”, showing how inner beliefs and behavioral patterns influence our actions. Both theorists helped to explain psychological processes and support people in self-reflection and change.

The aim of transactional analysis is to recognize and understand these drivers so that one can lead a more conscious and balanced life. By becoming aware of one’s inner drivers, one can learn to question and change them.

While our innate and inherent inner drivers correspond to our true selves and support us in unfolding our true potential, transactional analysis deals with acquired inner drivers.

We carry many of these beliefs and convictions within us since childhood and are not even aware of them. Nevertheless, they significantly influence our thoughts, behavior, and decisions.

The five main inner drivers:

Be perfect!
Try hard!
Please others!
Hurry up!
Be strong!

These five inner drivers were identified based on observations and experiences in a therapeutic context. They reflect common patterns of belief and behavior that people learned in their childhood to be accepted in their social environment or fulfill certain needs.

Other inner drivers that are particularly common nowadays:

Conform to a certain ideal (social media)
Be nice
Be successful
Always be positive

Cultural influences, upbringing, survival and stress management mechanisms, and recurring patterns play decisive roles in evolving of these inner drivers.

This means that these cultural and social drivers overlay the natural inner drivers. The aim should be to re-establish a healthy order and balance and to question these long-established belief patterns.

Inner Drivers – Quick Test

Which inner drivers influence my life?

The following statements can give you clues about which inner drivers play a role in your life:

Be Perfect!

Do I worry that my work is never good enough?
Do I spend a lot of time fixing small mistakes?

Hurry Up!

Do I feel like I’m always rushing, even with simple tasks?
Do I find it hard to take time to relax?

Please Others!

Do I struggle to say “No,” ans set boundaries even when I’m overwhelmed?
Is it important to me that others like and accept me?

Be Strong!

Do I avoid asking for help, even when I really need it?
Do I rarely show my weaknesses or emotions?

Try Hard!

Do I believe that only hard work leads to success?
Do I often feel burned out but keep pushing through?

Which inner driver might be active in my life?

How do our inner drivers affect our lives?

Inner drivers can lead us to do things we wouldn’t do based on our core personality. Whenever these inner drivers become too dominant, stress and compulsive behavior arise. We then tend to choose the wrong goals that focus more on attracting recognition than fulfilling our true needs.

Our values and belief patterns, which result from these inner drivers, are then no longer questioned. They shape our worldview in a certain way and can even lead us in the wrong direction.

Our inner drivers become unshakable rules and principles that dictate our lives. As a result, we often suffer from stress and may even develop physical or mental illnesses. Wrong decisions, dissatisfaction, and frustration are frequent side effects.

In some cases, we no longer live our own lives but an inauthentic and “false” life. We often ask ourselves why we fail to make the progress we would like and why we are still not truly satisfied even in times of success. That’s why it’s essential to recognize and question our inner drivers to lead a fulfilled and happy life.

Typical situations in which inner drivers become a source of stress and dissatisfaction

Inner drivers can lead to stress and dissatisfaction in everyday life. If someone constantly strives to be perfect, they often feel overwhelmed and fear making mistakes. A typical example is a student who tries so hard to get the best grades so there’s no time left for her hobbies or friends.

Someone aims to please everyone might have difficulty saying “no” and setting boundaries. For example, an employee may always take on additional tasks even though they already have a lot to do. All this just to avoid disappointing their colleagues or being perceived as a good worker.

If the “hurry up” driver is dominating, one may be feeling under constant time pressure and making important decisions in a rush. This, again, can lead to mistakes or misunderstandings. In all these cases, the pursuit of satisfying the inner drivers leads to frustration and a feeling of being overwhelmed.

The positive and negative effects of inner drivers on our lives and careers

Be perfect

Pros: High standards, quality of work, care, and attention to detail.
Cons: Excessive stress, fear of making mistakes, difficulty completing projects because one is constantly striving for ways to improve, often exaggerated and unrealistic standards.

Try hard

Pros: High work ethic and commitment, determination, resilience, and perseverance.
Cons: There is a risk of burnout due to overwork, neglect of recovery and socializing, and the idea that success is only possible through hard work.

Please everyone

Pros: Good relationships with others, strong team spirit, high social skills, and empathy.
Cons: Own needs are often ignored, difficulty setting clear boundaries, constant pressure to please everyone.

Hurry up

Pros: Efficiency and quick completion of tasks, ability to adapt quickly to change.
Cons: Hectic and stressful daily life, little patience, wrong decisions due to hasty actions.

Be strong

Pros: Resilience and assertiveness, ability to remain calm in a stressful situation.
Cons: Difficulty showing weakness or accepting help, emotional isolation, and excessive demands due to constant self-control.

Inner drivers in Coaching – Methods, Tools, and valuable Tips

As a coach, you can always use the concept of inner drivers when changing behavioral patterns and identifying the motivation behind them. Here are some specific approaches and tools that you could use:

Self-Awareness

You can help your clients to discover their inner drivers by asking specific questions. Potential coaching questions could be: “What thoughts or beliefs drive you when you make decisions?” or “Do you often feel the pressure to be perfect?”

Tip:
Share a list of the five main types of inner drivers with clients (Be perfect, Try hard, Please others, Hurry up, Be strong). The client should then work out which of these drivers is most dominant in their life and to what extent they negatively impact it.
Ask the client in which situations they feel pressure and what thoughts come up. This promotes the awareness of subconscious patterns.

Self-Reflection

Encourage clients to keep a journal to record their daily choices and their underlying thoughts and feelings. The records help to identify patterns and reflect on the impact of the drivers on behavior.

Tip:
Encourage clients to record not only their decisions but also their feelings. This helps to recognize correlations between drivers and emotions.

Roleplay

Simulate situations: Use role plays to show the client how different inner drivers impact specific situations. This allows clients to experience different reactions and behaviors.

Tip:
Simulate typical decision-making situations to reveal the inner drivers. After the roleplay, discuss how the client felt in each role and what insights they can take from the different reactions.

Goal-setting

Help clients to set SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound) based on becoming aware of their inner drivers.

Tip:
Ask the client to define a specific goal to reduce a particular inner driver. For example, the goal could be: “Over the next two weeks, I will deliberately avoid perfection in three tasks and instead strive for 80% satisfaction.”

Authenticity check

Match values and beliefs: Encourage clients to cross-check their decisions with their personal values. Questions like “Does this decision correspond to who I really want to be?” are ideal.

Tip:
Ask the client to list their values (e.g., freedom, family, success). This enables them to examine each decision: “Does this decision reflect my true values?”
Discuss the results together. If a decision doesn’t correspond to their values, determine what alternatives can be considered.

Mindfulness practices

Integrate mindfulness exercises into your process to assist clients in becoming more aware of their thoughts and emotions. They will get more control over their inner drivers.

Tip:
Integrate simple mindfulness exercises into your coaching sessions, such as breathing exercises or guided meditations. This will assist clients to be present in the moment and become more aware of their thoughts. You can also encourage clients to practice mindfulness in their daily lives by encouraging them to regularly pause and reflect on which inner drivers are active in certain situations.

Inner drivers in Coaching

Here are some areas of application for the use of inner drivers in coaching:

Career change and development:

Identifying and working with inner drivers can help anyone who wants to progress in their career. Knowing one’s own drivers is the key to recognizing and changing patterns of behaviour that hinder one’s career or professional reorientation. It also prevents people from making bad decisions that could be based on the “wrong” inner drivers.

Burnout prevention and stress management:

People who are frequently exposed to stress or at risk of burnout can improve their understanding of why they feel like they are by becoming aware of their inner drivers (e.g., the “try hard” driver). This allows to identfy methods to minimizing stress factors.

Personal relationships and couples counseling:

In coaching that addresses interpersonal relationships and couples therapy, inner drivers can help identify patterns of behavior resulting in conflicts (e.g., “Please others”).

Tip:

Goal realization:

By understanding their inner drivers, clients who want to achieve specific goals (e.g., fitness goals, personal projects) can learn what beliefs may be holding them back or motivating them.

Self-worth and self-acceptance:

People with low self-esteem can identify how these affect their self-image by exploring their inner drivers. This allows them to find a specific way to strengthen their self-esteem and self-love.

Overcoming perfectionism

Becoming aware of one’s inner drivers helps individuals identify the underlying beliefs that fuel perfectionism, such as the fear of failure or the need to please others. Through controlling these drivers, clients can learn to set more realistic standards and free themselves from the constant burden to be perfect.

Inner drivers – those who know and control them go through life more relaxed!

Dealing with our inner drivers is rewarding! Once you recognize and control them, you can use them wherever they are helpful.

You take back control instead of being ruled by your drivers. This means you actively and consciously decide when the driver is useful.

Additional Sources and Resources:

Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy von Eric Berne