How Memories Can Mislead Us – and What That Means for Your Coaching

How Memories Can Mislead Us—and What That Means for Your Coaching

Two colleagues are arguing about who came up with the key idea during a successful project meeting. One is convinced he made the suggestion, while the other is just as sure it was his idea. Both are certain they remember the conversation clearly—each seeing himself as the true source of the idea.

How is that possible?

Memories are reconstructed every time we recall them—they aren’t exact records, but more like stories we retell over and over. In the process, details can be added, left out, or altered.

Neuroscientists have discovered that people often embellish, downplay, or dramatize their memories.

Over time, details also fade. The brain fills these gaps with logical assumptions, imagination, similar experiences, new interpretations, or even other memories, distorting the original recollection.

So every time we talk about an experience, there’s a risk we change, adapt, or exaggerate the details. The altered version often becomes our new “false” memory.

Writing is the best solution for avoiding deceptive memories in Coaching

That’s why it’s crucial to write down important “aha” moments, experiences, ideas, or insights right away—before our minds quickly change, reinterpret, or even forget the original details.

This is especially valuable during coaching and change processes. Notes like these capture exactly what happened—thoughts, feelings, events, and insights included.

Here’s a typical example from relationship coaching:

A client had a huge argument with their partner over the weekend. Right after, he took a few minutes to write down their thoughts, feelings, and a detailed account of what happened:

What has been said? How did he feel? What made him upset?

These notes help both the coach and client accurately revisit their emotions and thoughts in their next session. Nothing gets forgotten, changed, or downplayed in hindsight. It’s as if the situation is happening again—just as it was.

Capturing “aha” moments and insights immediately is particularly important in coaching because:

• Distortions and gaps can be avoided: The original experience remains authentic, rather than being altered by later interpretations. Important thoughts remain clear and traceable.

• Clients can track their progress and see both significant and minor steps forward. That motivates to keep going.

• Writing things down enables reflection: Clients can later look back on real turning points and build on them consciously.

• Responsibility for their own process is strengthened: Note-taking encourages ownership and supports lasting change. True help for self-help.

Encourage your clients to jot down important things immediately—or at least soon after—before they’re forgotten or lost in the chaos of daily life.

With CleverMemo, you allow your clients to record experiences, insights, and thoughts as they happen and share them with you. Authentic, unfiltered, and true to life. This ensures that real change is understood, integrated, and actually sustained. Start your free CleverMemo Trial here. 

Additional Sources and Resources:

• What science tells us about false and repressed memories
• False memories when viewing overlapping scenes