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You probably know that inner voice that pipes up during the day and tells us: “This could be better. Make it perfect!”
“Be perfect” is one of the strongest inner drivers many of us have. You can think of inner drivers as motivators behind our thoughts, decisions, and actions.
“Be perfect” is an inner rule that warns us:
Mistakes must be avoided; only falwless and excellent work is acceptable!
This driver often has roots in our early years:
Whenever we were error-free, we were praised; when we made mistakes, we were criticized. Over time, our brain learned that perfection promises safety and recognition as a reward.
Gradually, this became automatic.
The “Be perfect” driver serves us well in many areas of life. It leads to high quality, diligence, and reliability. It’s especially valuable for important or sensitive tasks. It becomes a problem, though, when it turns into a constant companion and we lose control over it.
We start looking for flaws in every little thing and are never satisfied with our results. The fear of making mistakes—of being criticized or even punished—creates chronic stress.
In everyday life, it manifests as follows: our personal bar is set unrealistically high, decisions take longer or get postponed, and we double- or triple-check everything.
Even when we finish, the relief is short-lived. Our attention immediately focuses on what could be improved.
Constant stress reinforces the pattern: self-doubt gets louder, and the work feels heavy. It’s exhausting and drains a lot of energy. The inner driver turns into an inner tormentor.
The first step to handling it better is to notice it mindfully and hit the pause button when it shows up. Then, with a cool head, decide whether it’s helpful right now—or getting in the way.
It doesn’t always have to be perfect!
A helpful guideline is the well-known 80/20 rule, which suggests that for most tasks, 80% perfection is more than enough to achieve satisfactory results.
With the proper techniques, an unconscious habit that causes problems can become a targeted skill you use when it truly serves you.
Here are five pro tools to help you consciously use and manage your inner drivers.
Sources and Resources:
- Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy von Eric Berne
- Inner Drivers – How to Master them and eliminate Stress
